My desire to swing by the local Catholic church and steal a bit of Holy Water was ever present. At the time, it seemed logical and well documented. Movies and books I read often referred to Holy Water as a "magic cure all". If it could burn a vampire's skin, surely it could heal my mind.
My background had been as a frequent church attender for most of my childhood, even Vacation Bible School every summer. As an adult, I was a member and attended fairly regularly. Unfortunately, most of my pew sitting time was spent listening to nice stories and hearing how much Jesus loved me. There was minimal bible reading and teaching. For the years I spent in church, I had learned very little of the actual bible or about God. I relied on so-called experts, movies and friends for direction prior to my crazy year. One of the best lessons learned during this time was how to learn about God myself.
I am grateful for the "Smile, Jesus loves you" era because if I didn't believe He loved me, things may have turned out differently. I had asked Him into my heart as a young child, but never really offered my life. In reality, the kind of water I needed was spiritual in nature and not something I could literally drink or use to bathe. Again, I'm getting ahead in the story.
Amazingly, my brother noticed I might benefit from a good old fashioned Pentecostal atmosphere. He invited me to a church experiencing revival (meaning lots of long services where singing to God was a focus and lots of prayer time). Another smart move by someone in my family. Guess the issue was more obvious than I thought?
As I continued to learn week after week, it became evident I should get baptized. Yes, that was the ticket! A full dunking was in order here. This would surely heal me! The new focus became so important, I met with a Pastor and told him everything. This particular pastor was gracious and heard me out when I boldly told him, "I am crazy and if I get baptized, I will be fixed" or something very similar. I was desperate enough to share everything with a total stranger. I'm not certain how he knew I wasn't a total lunatic but patiently, he shared scripture and asked me to meet with him weekly. Finally, someone willing to help who wasn't totally freaked out or at least he didn't appear to be.
Once a week I began to meet with my pastor and my daughter met for an hour with her pastor each week as well. I had my counseling appointment and she had hers. During her appointments many things were discussed leading her to Christ. During my appointments many things were discussed leading me to sanity. Eventually, I did get "dunked" but it didn't heal my brain. It was simply a declaration of my surrender. I was still crazy although as I read my bible and learned more about who God really is, I began to find peace.
I graduated to meet with some "special" counselors and prayer partners. Working with this team proved to be a tremendous blessing and continued to move me into a better place. I began to spend more time reading the bible and talking to God. I learned about forgiveness and pride.
Pride was a biggie for me as you will learn in later blogs. As a preview, there is a story in the bible about a tax collector and a Pharisee praying side by side in the temple. The tax collector (bad guy) repents and shows great humility while the Pharisee (good guy) tells God how well he behaves. I was much like the Pharisee. Talking to God, I would say stupid things like, "God, test me now" or "Seriously, I am such a good person, what do I need to repent from?" Really, I told God I was a good person! Because I still believed it was all about how I behaved and how it appeared to others. I had much to learn about Jesus and His sacrifice being enough. I was valuable because He said I was valuable, not because I had earned it.
Interesting concept. People matter simply because God created them. There is nothing else that needs to be done. God sent Jesus to the cross because He wanted us to live with Him forever in Heaven someday. It sounds so very simple. Hmmm.....I bet anointing oil poured over my noggin? That might work! Yep, I was hoping Holy Oil running through my hair would bring about healing and I knew just the place to buy some!
(c) 2011 Daphne Keys
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