My six year old niece just came down stairs seeking her "favorite cuddly", described as a soft white bunny. She said, "it is missing." I asked her if she had something else to snuggle and she said, "yes. a bunch of old randoms." Pretty descriptive for age six, I think. We just finished a nice talk about how sometimes the old faithfuls who have been around a while are the best. They know us and have been with us for a while. They've seen us grow and change over the years. It might be nice to snuggle up to an "old random" tonight. We will, of course, search high and low tomorrow for the bunny, but tonight she will sleep without him.
How often we adults are searching for something new to snuggle. Unfaithful spouses, spouses simply tired of the "old random", or spouses mistreating the other, move on to something new and exciting. Here's a reality check for you, if you are that spouse, the new will someday become the old and random. It's destined to happen. Especially, if you haven't changed or sought counseling for yourself.
Marriage is meant to last forever. It is almost always beneficial for both parties to make their marriage better rather than end it. Emotionally, spiritually, and financially both parties will fare better and if you have kids, they will suffer less if you find a way to love your spouse again. Granted, it won't be easy and it won't be fun for a really long while. But, many marriages can and will become a better and more happy relationship having worked through the impossible together. There are too many success stories to deny it! I know, your story is different....it's really not! There is nothing new under the sun.
The pain of reconciliation is no worse nor more painful than divorce. Those of us who have experienced divorce (and choose to be honest) will share the difficulties of the single parent lifestyle. We know once you've made up your mind, nothing we can say will turn you back. Well, for once in your life, please listen when you don't want to listen, if both parties are willing to do the work, marriage can be an amazing journey.
Oh, and guess what? If you do divorce and decide later to enter into a new relationship, all the stuff you left in the first marriage will now impact the second. What that means is, you end up fighting with your new spouse about issues from the previous marriage - even if you don't think this could possibly happen, it does. When possible, seek to save the marriage. If it isn't possible (and most of the time it is possible), work hard to forgive quickly and let it go. If you have children, forgive even more quickly.
Divorce is an ugly thing and is tearing families and children apart. While I understand there are strong cases for Godly separation for many reasons - no remorse from an adulterer, addictions, abuse, etc.- there are cases where forgiveness is the step needed for healing to begin. Often an offended party withholds forgiveness when the offender is truly repenting because of the tremendous hurt they have experienced. Rather than shut the door completely by not forgiving, may I suggest an option? - "I want to forgive you and I will. I hope it can be sooner rather than later, but today, I'm unable to offer it . Give me time to work through this hurt and we can talk again in a __________ (week, few days, month).."
A note to the offending spouses - if you have cheated, used drugs or abused, don't blame anyone but yourself. You are a grown person who made a horribly wrong decision. If you hope to receive forgiveness and for your marriage to heal, walk in humility. You don't deserve forgiveness, but you just may receive it anyway. If you are offered another chance, recognize the gift you've been given and work at re-building trust. Do not expect your spouse to simply begin trusting you again. It will take time. Relationships require effort - start making an effort in your marriage.
Challenge for today: Prevent the pain in the first place....Don't look for greener grass! Rather than seek something fun outside your marriage, find a common ground with your spouse to create something fun in your marriage relationship! If you are tempted to cheat, DON'T!
If your marriage has suffered a hit, seek counsel from a wise and balanced person who can help you to recover what was lost. If you have already divorced, seek to become the spouse you would like to be, just in case marriage comes your way again.
How often we adults are searching for something new to snuggle. Unfaithful spouses, spouses simply tired of the "old random", or spouses mistreating the other, move on to something new and exciting. Here's a reality check for you, if you are that spouse, the new will someday become the old and random. It's destined to happen. Especially, if you haven't changed or sought counseling for yourself.
Marriage is meant to last forever. It is almost always beneficial for both parties to make their marriage better rather than end it. Emotionally, spiritually, and financially both parties will fare better and if you have kids, they will suffer less if you find a way to love your spouse again. Granted, it won't be easy and it won't be fun for a really long while. But, many marriages can and will become a better and more happy relationship having worked through the impossible together. There are too many success stories to deny it! I know, your story is different....it's really not! There is nothing new under the sun.
The pain of reconciliation is no worse nor more painful than divorce. Those of us who have experienced divorce (and choose to be honest) will share the difficulties of the single parent lifestyle. We know once you've made up your mind, nothing we can say will turn you back. Well, for once in your life, please listen when you don't want to listen, if both parties are willing to do the work, marriage can be an amazing journey.
Oh, and guess what? If you do divorce and decide later to enter into a new relationship, all the stuff you left in the first marriage will now impact the second. What that means is, you end up fighting with your new spouse about issues from the previous marriage - even if you don't think this could possibly happen, it does. When possible, seek to save the marriage. If it isn't possible (and most of the time it is possible), work hard to forgive quickly and let it go. If you have children, forgive even more quickly.
Divorce is an ugly thing and is tearing families and children apart. While I understand there are strong cases for Godly separation for many reasons - no remorse from an adulterer, addictions, abuse, etc.- there are cases where forgiveness is the step needed for healing to begin. Often an offended party withholds forgiveness when the offender is truly repenting because of the tremendous hurt they have experienced. Rather than shut the door completely by not forgiving, may I suggest an option? - "I want to forgive you and I will. I hope it can be sooner rather than later, but today, I'm unable to offer it . Give me time to work through this hurt and we can talk again in a __________ (week, few days, month).."
A note to the offending spouses - if you have cheated, used drugs or abused, don't blame anyone but yourself. You are a grown person who made a horribly wrong decision. If you hope to receive forgiveness and for your marriage to heal, walk in humility. You don't deserve forgiveness, but you just may receive it anyway. If you are offered another chance, recognize the gift you've been given and work at re-building trust. Do not expect your spouse to simply begin trusting you again. It will take time. Relationships require effort - start making an effort in your marriage.
Challenge for today: Prevent the pain in the first place....Don't look for greener grass! Rather than seek something fun outside your marriage, find a common ground with your spouse to create something fun in your marriage relationship! If you are tempted to cheat, DON'T!
If your marriage has suffered a hit, seek counsel from a wise and balanced person who can help you to recover what was lost. If you have already divorced, seek to become the spouse you would like to be, just in case marriage comes your way again.
No comments:
Post a Comment