So many of us struggle with directly dealing with another person who has offended us or caused us hurt. Often times we feel inadequate and less than the other person or we feel we are wrong to be offended. Sometimes, we are afraid of the other person's response because of our perceptions or history with the person. Other times, we are simply lazy and don't want to deal with it. Unfortunately, when we don't deal, it can become one great big mess!
For much of my life, I have considered myself to be inadequate or undeserving of another's respect. Not always, but often. I had no "right" to be hurt or offended. I was being a "whiner". But, as time passes and it always does, the anger, hurt, and offense grows and festers within. There comes a point when we don't even know why we are angry. Thus, we begin to triangle. You know, I'm mad at Jay, but talk to Susie about it. I call it "venting" or "processing". Then a funny lesson was taught to me by one very wise question. The question is "Do you feel you are resolving your issue with Jay by speaking with Susie?" It makes me laugh now, but seriously, do we think we are making any headway in our relationships by triangling?
If I care about a relationship and it is important to me, I should first and foremost speak to the person. As a mature adult I am allowed to say, "my feelings were hurt when......" It's OK! It is also okay for the other person to say, "you know what, that's not what I meant. We've had a misunderstanding. Let me explain." Or "I'm sorry it hurt you, but I wanted you to know the truth." Or something else.
We've become a society of people who want to control each other more than I believe previous generations did. Somewhere along the way, we forgot it is okay for people to have different ideas than our own. It is okay for someone to want something in their life different than our expectations. It is also okay for us to share these things with each other without fear of ridicule, attack or angry outbursts. It really is OK!
God says, "Do not sin in your anger", not "never be angry." Can we lay aside our pride, desires and beliefs long enough to show we care about another person and the relationship we have with them? Can we?
Challenge for Today: Confront an issue. If you catch yourself talking to one person about how someone else offended you, STOP!!! Pray. Then, if you are still upset, go directly to the other person and talk to them about it. Don't let it fester.
For much of my life, I have considered myself to be inadequate or undeserving of another's respect. Not always, but often. I had no "right" to be hurt or offended. I was being a "whiner". But, as time passes and it always does, the anger, hurt, and offense grows and festers within. There comes a point when we don't even know why we are angry. Thus, we begin to triangle. You know, I'm mad at Jay, but talk to Susie about it. I call it "venting" or "processing". Then a funny lesson was taught to me by one very wise question. The question is "Do you feel you are resolving your issue with Jay by speaking with Susie?" It makes me laugh now, but seriously, do we think we are making any headway in our relationships by triangling?
If I care about a relationship and it is important to me, I should first and foremost speak to the person. As a mature adult I am allowed to say, "my feelings were hurt when......" It's OK! It is also okay for the other person to say, "you know what, that's not what I meant. We've had a misunderstanding. Let me explain." Or "I'm sorry it hurt you, but I wanted you to know the truth." Or something else.
We've become a society of people who want to control each other more than I believe previous generations did. Somewhere along the way, we forgot it is okay for people to have different ideas than our own. It is okay for someone to want something in their life different than our expectations. It is also okay for us to share these things with each other without fear of ridicule, attack or angry outbursts. It really is OK!
In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, Ephesians 4:26
God says, "Do not sin in your anger", not "never be angry." Can we lay aside our pride, desires and beliefs long enough to show we care about another person and the relationship we have with them? Can we?
Challenge for Today: Confront an issue. If you catch yourself talking to one person about how someone else offended you, STOP!!! Pray. Then, if you are still upset, go directly to the other person and talk to them about it. Don't let it fester.
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